King Henry VIII's Song King Henry VIII's my father Hoped I'd have some Tudor
brothers Mum had no son so rather I got plenty of stepmothers When at last Prince
Ed was born The crown I bid adieu He said as king he must be sworn Boys go first in
the queue But there's no need to worry If at first you don't succeed When Ed died I
swept aside the rest And was decreed Mary The first, that's me To the Lady and Queen
of England Not to be confused with Mary Queen of Scots Not the same, see Though
weirdly, she's a cousin to me Some tried to say Lady Jane Grey Should be Queen
after Ed But England wanted me, hooray So poor Jane lost her head
Protestants were saying That my ruling made them sick Cause when it came to
praying My tastes were Catholic They revolted, challenged me Fueled my great
desire To tie 300 to a stake Light touch paper, then retire Mary, the first,
that's me Called the bloody Queen of England Not what I intended, tried to be
Good, you see But history only remembers I was a catastrophe
Married Philip, King of Spain Who then left me England thought he was a pain,
especially Cause he told me to attack France with troops And when the French
advance, we'll out-cave Whoops!
Throughout my reign It rained and rained It poured upon the poor Harvest failed,
no food remained And flu killed many more Burned Protestants and wed a fool Led
armies to defeat Burned more Prots, I'd say my rule was short But not that
sweet I had no kids named half-sisters I'd think Queen best to be So long as she
would rule the land As a Catholic, we like meat Lizzy didn't listen She made
the country Protestant Meaning my legacy was ruin, see Everything I tried to
achieve went down the swan-ee A bit embarrassing, really...